green green grass

for caedmon whom–for once in my life—i thought i had met
December 23, 2007, 5:03 am
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.

(It might be




a painted wall


on its own,

it gets


of dusts and

cobwebs of



words that



in its gut.

As when

a tiled floor is

mopped—it takes


the stamped




two pairs of soles.



Tell me—

if this skin,


this flesh,

is scrubbed

off like the paint

on the wall

—will looking

at you


any difference

as one should feel


without footprints?).


i know you’re out there, somewhere out there
April 2, 2007, 10:30 am
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.



do not show up now. you can not handle me now.

i won’t make myself manageable for you.

you will just ruin your life.

and i will just ruin my life too.

so please do not show up yet.

a tribute to the dodos
March 20, 2007, 6:15 am
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.

we are no more than a pair of slippers. you’re my right,i’m your left. i’m your right,you’re my left; and vice versa. we look alike, in the mirror i’m you. i look exactly like you.

we are no more than a bubble gum. i just love to chew you until you’re neither sweet nor minty, until you become saliva. we are no more than the taste of saliva.

we are no more than shit. we have to be eaten alive or dead twice, thrice, they dont care. and they get everything out of nothing, as nothing as shit. so we become shit: the “shitee” and the “shitter”.

we are no more than immature poets. we immitate “mature” poets. and when will we mature? until we learn how to cheat?

we are no more than mothers. we are sucked and we suck. and life sucks. the least we can do is suck back.

we are no more than nikki, or kae… we feel we are them sometimes.

we are no more than stretch marks, hair split-ends and breaking callous. we are the flaws.

AND the dodos are more than just what and who we are.

trash, can’t care enough to care
March 4, 2007, 2:11 pm
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.

i was thinking of something else a while ago. yet i saw something and i suddenly decided not to think about it anymore, whatever it is.

i do not want to sound like him.

something about ‘not my f**king business’
March 4, 2007, 1:43 pm
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.

i’d rather leave this blank,

February 28, 2007, 10:55 am
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.

because you’re here, it won’t mean we are together.

you’re here because you have to be here for reasons i’d rather not know. they’ll just confuse me and make me hope for something as good as charity.

i am here because i do not want you to think that i do not want to be here. sometimes it might mean the other way around when we are tired.

but you and i both know that we are not here.
you know we are somewhere.
you’re there.
and i am here, or so i thought.

Jim the Boy and Dido’s White Flag
February 25, 2007, 2:06 pm
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.

early this morning, i realized something. actually i have been thinking quite about Jim, the main character of the novel i’m reading and Dido’s song, white flag. like black coffee and royal true orange, they are mixed up somewhere there in the skies i created in my head. coffee and orange do make smell when i pee (really…). it makes me smile,though. anyway, first, i realized that Jim the boy is so much like the girl i was back then. it’s not that he is gay! or that i’m gay! hahaha! i mean, in a way that, i think, we have the same dreams as a child. and…Dido’s white flag, ehem. whether i like it or not, i’m in love. i’m always in love. it is either with myself, or to someone or something else. but, mind you, i do not believe Dido. i know she lied. and i know i lied too.

once upon a time, i thought i’ll sing Dido’s white flag for the longest of time. but i thought, i’m really too young to have thought of such crap… and i know it was my way to justify myself. oh i was such a liar. a child. a little girl who thought she could eat the stars. but that was also the same time she thought she could reach them. just like Jim.

so i bid my farewell to Jim the boy and to Dido’s white flag. i’ve been really feeling happy these days i can’t look back anymore…never will…not at all.