seventeen syllables (version2)
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December 11, 2007, 1:33 pm
Filed under: cw posts
Filed under: cw posts
i
lay
on
the
waves
and
the
folds
of
the
sheet
we
made
with
our
eyes
closed.
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green green grass 
kabagang!
hmmm… di ba 5 7 5? other than that wala na ako masabi. i like this. weh
Comment by pzerolaris December 11, 2007 @ 2:29 pmlingaw gud xa.nice image.a person reading it can actually feel something…i like it..=)
Comment by myan may December 12, 2007 @ 11:32 ami see white. but i don’t hear anything. i want to hear your poem pop!
pero nice and implied whiteness.
Comment by jep December 12, 2007 @ 3:14 pmseventeen lines, seventeen syllables… add both numerics of the number and you get eight… anyway, this work is disconnected from its original haiku form, obviously, i think its better this way, the form is like the waves of white sheets… tabula rasa, disturbed…
Comment by kornfleik December 13, 2007 @ 9:15 amhawda na nimo sel oie. ^_^
Comment by rr December 14, 2007 @ 4:05 pmweee! folds, waves, even without the ripples..
its so bantam!
leyt ko:
what i see is two people holding the ends of a blanket making waves out of it..then after the other one (il make it the he) was gone, the other one (the she) lay on the sheet…its SEX– floating…going with the flow of teh water..haaay…i love the image!!!!!!
its probably an aftermath…the blanket is being used u knw, when they chorva with closed eys…hmmm…then evrything is an arbitrary blackness.. so full of sorrow and hope, for sure (assuming kau ko noh?!), the persona that was left ontop of the sheet will just open her eyes when the “he” returns… sigh
any form of water for me suggests longing…that’s all..that’s only me.
Comment by umaispink December 17, 2007 @ 11:35 amwell… i don’t know… hehe
Comment by noshei December 17, 2007 @ 1:12 pmform=content.hihi
Comment by powetree December 22, 2007 @ 9:09 am