green green grass


seventeen syllables (version2)
December 11, 2007, 1:33 pm
Filed under: cw posts

i

lay

on

the

waves

and

the

folds

of

the

sheet

we

made

with

our

eyes

closed.

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8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

kabagang!

hmmm… di ba 5 7 5? other than that wala na ako masabi. i like this. weh

Comment by pzerolaris

lingaw gud xa.nice image.a person reading it can actually feel something…i like it..=)

Comment by myan may

i see white. but i don’t hear anything. i want to hear your poem pop!

pero nice and implied whiteness.

Comment by jep

seventeen lines, seventeen syllables… add both numerics of the number and you get eight… anyway, this work is disconnected from its original haiku form, obviously, i think its better this way, the form is like the waves of white sheets… tabula rasa, disturbed…

Comment by kornfleik

hawda na nimo sel oie. ^_^

Comment by rr

weee! folds, waves, even without the ripples..
its so bantam!

leyt ko:
what i see is two people holding the ends of a blanket making waves out of it..then after the other one (il make it the he) was gone, the other one (the she) lay on the sheet…its SEX– floating…going with the flow of teh water..haaay…i love the image!!!!!!

its probably an aftermath…the blanket is being used u knw, when they chorva with closed eys…hmmm…then evrything is an arbitrary blackness.. so full of sorrow and hope, for sure (assuming kau ko noh?!), the persona that was left ontop of the sheet will just open her eyes when the “he” returns… sigh

any form of water for me suggests longing…that’s all..that’s only me.

Comment by umaispink

well… i don’t know… hehe

Comment by noshei

form=content.hihi

Comment by powetree




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