green green grass

January 25, 2007, 11:58 am
Filed under: cw posts

i had this crush back in highschool. he was tall, dark and handsome. although he was so weird that he rarely said a word, i liked him very much. in fact, many other girls liked him because he was so talented. he had a note for music when he plays guitar while he sings. one time i read an essay he made for a newsletter, i was impressed by the way he played with words. his personality was so interesting that oftentimes it stirs in my mind what was it really like to be close to him. nonetheless, i was still able to enjoy even by just looking at him from afar, or by staring at him when he doesn’t know. there was really something in him that i feel i needed to know. until one fine day when i was already in college, like a thief in the night, a friend told me that my crush has a boyfriend. that’s it, he’s gay.


i was god-knows-where
January 25, 2007, 11:39 am
Filed under: it's just me. you dont have to care.


i was suppose to write hello. yet i dread its first three letters.

i had the chance to go out alone yesterday. it was something special for i consider it a date–a bond with myself. it was not really an ideal time to hang out. it was already 7pm. and it was drizzling, plus i have colds and my head occassionally aches.

i like it that i am stubborn sometimes. oh, and snobbish too!

but i was afraid. what if out of nowhere someone would grab me and rape me, or something…you know. no one can really tell.

still, i rode a jeepney. i was not at all certain where to go.

but i stopped at SM. i almost freaked out when i saw groups of men in fatigue everywhere. i suddenly felt the need to be with my mom, or my lola…or my aunt–whoever!

i looked at myself at the glass in front of me to check if my body is still intact or if some parts might be missing… but i was fine; i knew i was.

i strolled around, almost dreamy. i happened to stop and read, “Dickies Eyes”, tagged on an eyeglasses.

at last i remembered that there is such a thing as a smile. so i smiled and knew i was really okay.

and because i love coffee, i sipped two and one-half cups of it.

suddenly i wanted so badly to go home, take a shower, and sleep.

sleep–all i want.

yes, i did go home right after i felt the powers of coffee already consuming me. i took a shower, attemted to sleep again and again and again.

until i was too tired of trying to sleep that i forgot what happened next.